Wednesday, October 15, 2008

October


This month I face and try to accept cause of death issues. My husband suffered constant, acute pain, for which his doctor prescribed painkillers. One day he took too many and died. In his intense grief over the loss of his father, our son self-medicated with booze and a handful of his dad's painkillers. He died, too. I miss them both so much.......

22 comments:

a2susan said...

Your words say it all, both beaded and written. Know that you have lots of support from the beading community and from the bjp.

abeadlady said...

How strong you are to face this so openly. Having lost a child to suicide, I can totally understand the grief and anger you are undergoing. Know that my prayers are with you constantly. If I can help in any way, please don't hesitate to call on me.

Arline

GraceBeading said...

I'm deeply sorry for your losses Jeanette, it's an awful lot to process. I find your October piece raw, as it should be. I lost my mother to suicide many years ago, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

KrispiS said...

Dear Jeannette -- I only wish I could help share some of your burden. Your October block is very revealing, and so HONEST! You are doing well to work through it this way. I have never had a loss like yours, but I do know how much it hurt to loose my mother to old age..... and wish I had had something like to BJP to express it. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Plays with Needles said...

Jeanette, what a tremendous burden you must carry and your loss is unbelievable. I'm glad you are on this journey and expressing your grief through your work. I hope it is healing in some way. lots of prayers, Susan

Brenda said...

Truly amazing story, as is your piece. I hope beading it and letting the emotions pour out that you yourself found some peace.

KV said...

Ah, Jeanette -- my heart and thoughts will be with you the rest of this day. The beading truly says it all . . .


Kathy V in NM

coral-seas said...

Oh Jeannette, what can I say! Your BJP, your explaination, grip my heart with pain for all you have been through. I know that you have not done this page simply for our sympathy, I hope that it has helped you along your painful journey.

CA

Denise said...

Thank-you for sharing this with us and letting us help you carry the weight of your loss. Perhaps by sharing, we can help ease your burden. It is a wonderful tribute to your son and husband. The chair too was a great piece of beadwork.
I wish for you peace, and hope again and prayers.
Denise

Marty S said...

So very sorry. Wishing you comfort and peace.
Marty S
Crackpot Beader

Tracey N. said...

I dont believe we are ever truly the same after the loss of a loved one. No matter how they pass. I am so sorry for your loss, and to have lost twice in such an unnecessary way is beyond my imagination. I hope your beads give you some measure of escape. Know there are people praying for you and hoping you find happiness again. Beautiful, raw emotions in your piece. I hope it was somewhat theraputic for you.

beadbabe49 said...

You've been such an inspiration to so many of us over the years...I'm so very sorry for your losses...I'll certainly be holding you in the light.

Pursuing Art... said...

Jeanette...your October page is so heartfelt! Know that you are in all OUR thoughts and prayers!

~Lisa

Robin said...

To share your visually expressed feelings like this is an amazing gift that you give to all of us, Jeanette. You show us how it is possible to reveal even the most horrendous tragedy through the work of our hands. You allow us to share your sadness to know what it is to lose a husband and a son and miss them so much. I hope it is also a gift to yourself and that you can allow our support into your heart.

I hesitate to add that my husband, too, has been on Dr. prescribed painkillers for 2 years, with resulting and increasing depression and reclusiveness. What happend to you is a wake-up call to me that I need to ask him if he ever has a notion to take "too many." Thank you.

Love, Robin A.

pam T said...

Oh Jeanette... your story and seeing your page for this month made me gasp aloud for your pain. I can only imagine the hurt and loss you hold inside.
Keep creating and let your art help you heal. I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Jacquie said...

Jeanette, Your piece speaks volumes especially knowing the difficult story behind it. Isn't beading a small blessing for you in that you can get things out in the open through your work?. I wish you peace!!!

Julie said...

Oh, Im so soryy and am so glad you had the courage to express your grief. It doe not make the pain go away but it lets otheres be with you . I hope you dont feel so alone. Thankyou Julie C

Sabine said...

Dear Jeanette,

Not knowing anything about your life except that you are living in a lovely country, creating beautiful things, sharing your knowledge with others, I always considered you a very happy person. But now I am really shaken to learn about the terrible fate that has befallen you and all the suffering that must have preceded the final crescendo. Please accept my condolences and my best wishes for a future that will slowly brighten up again. It may sound hollow at present, but I am sure you have the strength to live through this and recover as far as possible under the circumstances.

Blessings,
Sabine

Carol said...

Jeanette, there are so many people that know you, or know of you, that keep you in their prayers. Death always opens unanswered questions. You must go through the steps of grief to one day be well. It will happen, though it takes time. Keep your friends close. Many love you and pray for your peace of mind.

Margaret Sutherland said...

I admire your bravery and courage in sharing this with us. I hope that knowing we are all here for you can help lift the burden a little bit. Beautiful work.

freebird said...

This is a really good page. My sister just passed the anniversary of her husband's suicide. He timed it (or tried to) to coincide with the birth of his grandchildren. There are never enough answers to take away the pain. Only time and loving can do that. I am so glad you are taking the positive step of beading your feelings.

Hélène H said...

I am deeply sorry for your losses, Jeannette. Reading about it makes me feel very angry, I think you are very courageous to bead about this.

I hope you have many loving friends and family near you.