Tuesday, April 7, 2009

April is done...

Hi Folks,

This month I try to deal with the anger surrounding my husband's and son's deaths. My square shows "accept" in the foreground and, indeed, this is the visage that I portray. But always, simmering and smoldering in the background is the "anger" monster--just waiting to rear its ugliness and helplessness. Truly, I know and accept what cannot be changed, but sometimes I just wish I could understand why.

My heartfelt thanks to all for the support and sympathetic comments as I work through my grief.

Jeanette Shanigan



Brenda said...

Until we ourselves crossover to the other side, I don't think we will ever know why.

We must be so much smarter over there!

You have come along way in your grief, I think beading it is helping.

Robin said...

I used to write poetry with a small group of troubled souls, most of them recovering alcoholics and drug users. Our mentor gave use a great model one time and your piece reminds me of it... The model is this: Each line starts with the word "Under" and refers to the line above. So in your case, it would start

Under my acceptance there is anger.
Under my anger there is xxxxxx.
Under my xxxxxx there is yyyyyy.

And you just keep going like that until you run out of steam. Sometimes some of the answers to "why" become more obvious in this process. I use this model when I feel the need to get to the nagging unknown.

From your piece, your acceptance seems round and forward. Your anger seems deep, dark and structured. Anger certainly is normal in your situation and I think preferable to numbness or no feelings.

Once again, I am so indebted to you for sharing your experiences and feelings with us.

Love and hugs, Robin A.

Jacquie said...

Every day a little closer to acceptance. One day you'll look back at all of these lovely pieces you have made and be so proud of how far you have come, and hold each of these treasured rembrances close to your heart forever. I hope that soon you will see a flicker of the light of hope.

KV said...

This has been such a profound journey you have undertaken this year, Jeannette. Your willingness to share it with all of us has been most touching . . .

Kathy V in NM

Marty S said...

Every time I look at one of your pages, I see your strength in facing the difficult times.

Good wishes to you on your journey.
Marty S
Crackpot Beader

pam T said...

Your pieces are so full of feeling...If only we could just bead ourselves as people instead and put an obvious picture to what we feel as we wander about our lives. We'd all understand each other better! I wish you all the best and pray you truly can deal with your grief. Thank you so much for sharing.

Julie said...

Of course your angry. I wish I could think of the perfect thing to say..I think you are so brave for writing as you do as honestly as you do. I know this will help you get out of the darkness of the moment. I know time will heal some , but I bet you will never understand. I wish I could help. Julie C

CC said...

This is so beautiful for such a hard subject. When my brother died, my mom told me she would NEVER accept it. She lives with it. I wish she could do something like this to help her. But she has to find her own way. Thank you for sharing the beauty you are trying to find in this tragedy!
Warmest aloha,

Plays with Needles said...

Wow...a very powerful piece -- I felt the anger and I can understand it...it's tough when the world expects that you're "over" the deaths of your husband and son and you are not even close...It's really more important to be who you are and feel how you feel. Thank you for having the courage to be honest.

a beautiful piece.